👋 Hello from your ruthless and very pissed off customer—with infinite leverage and every intention to use it.

I’m not a regulator.
I’m not an auditor.
I’m not the tax man.
I’m worse.

I’m your customer.

They call me Angry Agatha.

🔹 A quick study—I don’t skim; I study. I read every label, every term, every asterisk. Worse. I learn you faster than your own team. I cross reference what you claimed today with what you tweeted last year.

🔹 Articulate & persuasive—I don’t just feel deceived. I make sure everyone else does too. My words cut. My callouts spread.

🔹 Armed with receipts—You thought sticking to phone calls and encrypted messages kept your tracks clean. Audit-free. Untraceable.

Too bad.

Because I’ve been screenshotting. Logging. With time stamps.

—Those fake testimonials you quietly scrubbed.
—The exact moment you swapped that misleading claim.
—Every before-and-after edit you thought no one would notice.

Too late. I noticed. And I logged it.

🔹 I Warned You.
I tried to tell you the easy way.
— I emailed. No response.
— I flagged the misleading claims. You ignored me.
— I reached out with my concerns. You dismissed me as delusional.

Now?
I don’t need your response.
I’ll take my answers elsewhere.

🔹 Vengeful within reason—This isn’t about the money. It’s personal. But not frivolous. You lied. You cheated. You ignored me. You double-crossed me. You stole from me. And I’m not just mad. I’m righteously furious.
That energy doesn’t fade. It festers. It multiplies.

🔹 Studies your soft spots.
I know precisely where to cut.

—I know new FTC rules just turned every non-compliant post into a $43K fine.
—I know any lawyer will take me on contingency because they smell blood money.
—I know your biggest fear isn’t losing money. It’s losing your reputation.
—I know that once your name trends for deceptive advertising, no amount of PR damage control will save you.
—Your next wins won’t save you either.

🔹 Wields total narrative control.
I don’t hope for accountability. I engineer it.

—I stitch, duet, and thread together an exposé.
—I find and loop in your other “Angry Agathas”
—I vet class action lawyers who I know will work for a small cut.
—I pull your investors, your partners into the mess.

I don’t rush.
But I don’t wait.
I execute top-tier, clinical takedowns—the kind where I watch you take yourself down.

And unlike the FTC? I’m not done until you’re finished.

Alright, let’s step out of the fire for a second. I’m Kaeya again.

That was a test drive of our new sales pitch starting next week.

Thoughts?

Because this past week, we tore down the angle where we kept leading with the new FTC fine for every non-compliant influencer post.

(Last week’s sales deck title slide for reference below)

Turns out, there’s a lot of wasted energy in trying to convince you to fear the FTC and regulatory fines.

Regulators move slow. They send warnings. At worst, they fine you. You settle. $10M?

Whatever. A drop in the bucket for a $100M business.

I get it.

But Angry Agatha?
She’s your John Wick.
And you just killed her dog.

Next week’s experiment: leading every sales call with the risk of awakening your angriest, savviest customers.

What are we gonna learn this time that forces another sales pitch teardown?

Honestly, I’m entertained. This is exactly why I love being a founder. Testing angles, breaking mental models, and tapping into the primal emotions that drive profitable action.

Let’s see how this version plays out.

Kaeya

PS: hope I didn’t scare you :)